When Raven was born, I didn’t get that instant rush of love. I was happy, and relieved to have our healthy little bundle put into my arms, but that overwhelming love rush wasn’t there for me. That was really hard, and when the baby blues hit me a few days later it became even harder. It took me a good 10 days for the blues to subside, to feel a bit more stable and more “me” again.
Then it started...when Raven was coming up to 3 weeks old we had our first “colic” episode. We didn’t know what the hell to do, she screamed solidly for a good 3 hours and nothing we did would help. It was around then we also noticed she was very gassy, we automatically linked the two together assuming that’s what the problem was - Infacol, Colief...neither worked! I took her to an osteopath to do some checks and she screamed so much in the appointment that it was stopped and I was advised to go to a GP. I’ve known our osteopath for almost 20 years, I trust her implicitly, so for her to say that I knew there must be a problem.
The GP brought up the NHS website and said “colic”. So I shrugged my shoulders, accepted that’s what it must be, and went home. I was struggling, I won’t lie. All you get told is that it’s a magical time in life, newborn babies fill you with joy - but I was struggling to find the joy. The screaming sessions were getting worse every day, with some days a bit more ok than others. I was still going out and about, but feeling less able to with everyone stopping me giving their advice when she started screaming again. Literal strangers on the street saying “have you tried infacol!” “Do you burp her” “oooh she sounds like she needs a cuddle”. I just wanted to curl up and pretend none of it was happening.
I had a lactation consultant come to visit to see if it’s because I had a fast let-down, was she swallowing too much air, is the tongue tie we were told wasn’t a problem; actually a problem after all? Should I go to formula? Is it because she’s not feeding enough?
Raven had gotten to around 7 weeks old when one morning she was completely inconsolable for 3.5 hours solid, screaming and screaming. I booked her into a tongue-tie clinic who promptly told me she had a 75% posterior tongue tie and was likely contributing to the problems. I wanted to cry with relief.
A few days later though I went to the GP again, insisting that there was something more going on. Her nappies were dark yellow and mucus’y, she was starting to get eczema flare-ups...everything was telling me there was something more going on. I ranted and cried, and the GP simply said “try cutting out dairy”. I just looked at him dumbfounded, completely unaware of this Cows Milk Protein Allergy he was talking about. I’d disregarded anything dairy because she didn’t fit lactose intolerance issues - which is SUCH a common confusion!
I cut out dairy...within 24 hours I had a completely different baby. It broke my heart all over again. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I’d been poisoning her with my milk, the one thing that’s meant to nourish and protect her. The fact I’d been fobbed off and spent nearly £450 on private appointments and tongue tie clinics trying to find answers infuriated me, but at the same time I was just relieved that this was the answer. Over the next week I also discovered she reacted when I had soya, again, something very very common and linked to CMPA.
I felt myself coming back alive again and feeling more like myself - the stress and impact on my own mental health was quite shocking. I didn’t really want to go out anymore before I cut dairy and we saw improvements...it was just too hard. I cried every day, it put a strain on our marriage and I sat there many a time just feeling so unhappy and lied to about this “magical time”.
I’m happy to say that it’s been smoother sailing since then, and I’m now 6 weeks dairy and soya free. My main concern now though is “what next?” If it’s just an intolerance, am I making it worse by completely removing it from my diet? Will this be forever for her?
I’m planning to challenge CMPA in the next few days, just to confirm that’s what she has. Other than that, I personally don’t really want to stay dairy free for the long term in case it affects my own tolerance. I’m also losing weight which I need to keep an eye on as that could affect my milk. We’ve been prescribed formula, Nutramigen, but I’m so worried that she’ll react to it I keep putting off trying her on it.
My story isn’t the most extreme...Raven put weight on through all of this, I think purely because I used to feed her up to 16 times a day during waking hours; convincing myself the screaming was because she was hungry. It’s a common story though, and there is a real lack of awareness about it amongst new mums. It’s cruel and makes you feel incredibly lonely. You see other mums enjoying their newborn babies, and you’re sitting in the corner sobbing and wondering what you’re doing wrong. Hopefully by sharing our stories with each other we can raise the awareness and stop any future babies and families struggling needlessly 💗
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